Jessica Santiago's Healing Journey After Pregnancy & Infant Loss
Meet Jessica Santiago
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
I’m Filipino-American, Turning 33 at the end of October, I work in Healthcare IT, and I’m married with 3 kids (a 4 year old son, 1 year old stillborn baby boy, and a newborn baby girl born a year after our angel).
Tell us about your pregnancy?
For my 2nd pregnancy, we planned it, we had a goal to get pregnant some time in 2022. So I was super excited, when I found out around end of December 2021, I felt the pregnancy sickness, then confirmed it with a pregnancy test. My husband and I did a gender reveal with our son at Disney, found out we were having another boy. The same day, we already picked out his name, Theodore-Grey. We had so many future plans for our 2 boys, playing together, having a bunkbed and growing up with each other. My pregnancy was pretty easy and smooth. No complications. So I loved being pregnant with Theo taking bumped pics throughout the 9months.
When did you experience your loss and how far along were you?
My 2nd son, Theodore-Grey, was due August 22, 2022. I found out August 21, that there was no heartbeat. I gave birth to our stillborn angel on his due date, August 22, 2022 at exactly 40 weeks. My world was torn apart that day. The hardest news to hear and the hardest experience to go through. We were able to hold him the whole time we were at the hospital. The hardest part was when the nurse took him away from me and my husband.
How have you been able to heal after your loss?
I did therapy, I’m in fb support group reading other stories about other mama’s with stillborn angels, my parents, in-laws, sisters, husband, and my 4 year old son is very supportive and keeps me strong. We celebrated every 22nd of the month for our angel’s birth-monthsary, I cry it out, I talk about Theo all the time. We mention Theo during my 4 year old’s bedtime stories a lot. We have an altar dedicated to our angel and light up battery powered candles every night for him. I wear a pendent necklace with him on it every where I go. So basically, I’m still healing and grieving, but it helps that we keep him alive through our bedtime stories, incorporating him in our daily lives, just never forgetting about him because no matter what he’s still part of our family.
Do you have a support system? If so, who and how have they helped you as you are healing?
Definitely, without a support system, I don’t think I would be as strong. I have my husband, first son, newborn rainbow baby girl(born 8/8/23 schedule induction because of a stillborn, crazy beautiful story on how she is connected with Theo, her due date was supposed to be 8/21/23, day before Theo’s), I have my parents, in-laws, my sister, sis-in-law, cousins, bestfriends, aunts. I have a whole village of support. They helped by also believing he is my son, and not pushing me to move-on so fast, knowing grief doesn’t have a time limit, they all bring up my 3 kids, not just 2. They check up on me asking how I’m doing. They light up candles on special days for Theo. They pray for us.
What is a quote or mantra that has helped you through your healing?
God has a plan.
